Today

"To weep is to make less the depth of grief."
― William Shakespeare

     I would like to apologize ahead of time to anyone reading this, as this is going to be a rambling, self-pitying rant of a post. I have to get it out of me, and if you do not want to read on, don't feel obligated. As I once wrote, this blog is for me but I enjoy sharing it and hope others enjoy reading it, however this one may be different.
    I am sad, angry, and feel very sorry for myself today. It has been more than a year now that I have been going through this journey. I have had good days and bad, good weeks and bad, and I have just rolled with it. Today my anger is geared towards doctors, health care professionals and websites that told me I had the "good cancer" and that it would be "easy" or "no problem" to all of you I say "BULLSHIT!" As a member of TyCa (the thyroid cancer supoort group) I know that that is RARELY the case. I also know that I am more extreme them most, probably due to my other heath problems such as complicated migraines and depression, but I just wish someone would have told me the truth of how this could be. IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!!!!!!!  I am tired of being tired. I hate that I can do less than 20% of what I used to be able to do. I hate that I have to take medicine FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!! I hate the word cancer. I hate being afraid of just about everything. I hate going to the doctors because I don't know if they have ANY idea what they are talking about but I have to do what they say because my life is in their hands. I hate Radioactive Iodine and how I know it is still in my body changing the way that it works.  I hate that my children don't have the mother they used to. I hate that my husband has to see me cry so much. I could go on FOREVER!
   I know I should be thankful and most days I am. Not today! Today I will cry. Today I will be angry. Today I will have self-pity. Today I will wallow. Today will be about me. Today I just need someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be ok. Tomorrow I think I will be ok. Tomorrow I think I can be thankful again. Tomorrow I think I can have positive thoughts. So for me tomorrow can not come soon enough..........


"The sun will come out tomorrow"      Annie