Confession

Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, but the stigma and bias shame us all.  -Bill Clinton.


    Would you tell me as a cancer patient to just not have cancer? Or a diabetic to produce more insulin. Or a paraplegic to stand up and walk?  Many of you may not know that I have lived with chronic pain of migraines for 17 years. Given also the fact that I have relatives with bipolar and depression it is no surprise that when diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer I spun into a dark land of fear and depression which I have worked tirelessly for the past year to dig myself out of.  Add in the fact that a main symptom of hypothyrodism, which obviously I have since I no longer have a thyroid it is no wonder I find myself here. Please understand I still a mother, still a wife, a grandmother, a sister, an aunt, a friend. I am no longer ashamed to say I suffer from Major Disorder and Panic Attack Disorder. I was inspired by my hero and friend to "come out". After a very recent (and scary) event I have chosen to share this with the people closest in my life, most of you being my friends here on Facebook. I do not want this to be my families "dirty little secret"  Please do not judge me. Please do not tell me to stop crying or to go for a walk. And don't you dare  tell me or anyone else that you think may be suffering to "just get over it" or by God "snap out of it."  Tell me a joke. Ask what you can do. Allow me to make the ugly cry face and spill my heart  to you. Tell me about your day. Just tell me that you care. I say this not only for me, but for all that battle a condition that is still attached to a stigma and still often only whispered about. I have chosen to fight. There is a fighting spirit inside of me and she is tenacious. Fighting cancer has been difficult, but fighting the depression, the despair the fear has been like climbing Mt. Everest barefoot and blind in a monsoon. I have chosen to write about this here as well as my blog because it seems more cathartic. My name is Roberta and I am depressed. I have panic attacks and breakdowns and I am no longer ashamed to talk about it. Take some time to get to know me and you will discover I am an amazing person that can do amazing things, I just need to find that one thing to reach for to pull me to my feet and set me on the correct path. Maybe this is it. Who knows? Thank you for being  patient and please help me to discover the girl I am going to be. And please, if you have a friend or family member that you think may be suffering from depression, talk to them. Be there for them. Try to be their soft place to fall, because there is a bottom, and at the bottom your choices are limited and feeling hopeless with nowhere to go is the darkest, scariest place to be. Thank you. I love you all. 


        I dedicate this to my father. Daddy, I will get better and I will make you and Mom proud.